DBZ Abridged: The Bestest Babysitter Ever
by Over12000
Summary: What happens when Vegeta is hired to babysit? And will Jenny the OC approve of him? Note that this story uses DBZ Abridged characters, not the ones from the actual DBZ TV series. So if they seem different there's a reason. Rated teen for some mild language.
1. Part One: Date Night

Jenny watched her parents get ready. Her mom slipped on her shoes. Her dad left a note with instructions on the kitchen table for the babysitter. Who wasn't here yet.

Mom and Dad were going on a date. Whatever that was. Jenny didn't see why she couldn't come with. It didn't seem fair. She went out to eat with them the rest of the time. What was different about this evening?

"Aww, Dad," she said. Hopping from one foot to other. "Why can't I come along? I'll be good. I promise!"

Dad glanced down at her. "Sorry, honey. But you have to stay home." He tapped the tip of her nose. "Think of it like this. You get to be in charge tonight. That's a big responsibility."

Well. When he put it that way it didn't sound too bad. But she still didn't want to be left home while they had all the fun.

"But Dad," she whined. "I don't – "

She was interrupted by the doorbell.

Mom finished clipping on her earrings. "That must be the babysitter. I'll get it."

She went to the front door. Let the babysitter in.

The woman was followed into the kitchen by a short man. With black hair. And black eyes. He seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face.

He folded his arms with a glower. Jenny shrank back. Scared.

"Honey." Mom bent down to talk to her. "This is Mr. Vegeta. He'll be looking after you while we're away."

Jenny couldn't speak. Or move. Her eyes wide with terror. She wanted to scream. Who was this guy?

Dad pointed to the note on the table. "We left some instructions, and our phone number in case anything happens. You'll find dinner on the middle shelf in the fridge. You can't miss it."

Her parents both kissed Jenny goodbye. While she just stood there. Petrified.

Then they were gone. She was alone in the house.

With Mr. Vegeta.

He stared at the terror-stricken five year old. Still glowering.

"Right," he said at last. Crossed to the table. "Let's see what they want me to do."

He skimmed over the instructions.

" 'Make dinner. Load the dishwasher. Start the dishwasher. Feed the cat...' Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Do I get to kill anybody?" He read further. "Doesn't look like it. Hmmm." He crumpled the list and threw it away. "So they expect me to cook. What an outrage! Saiyans don't prepare their own meals. I hope what they have in there is a TV dinner."

It wasn't. Mom had chopped up some vegetables and meat. For a stir-fry.

Vegeta frowned at the stir-fry ingredients. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

He seriously didn't know? What kind of person was he?

"You put them in a frying pan and cook them," Jenny said. Finding courage to speak from somewhere.

Vegeta nodded. "Okay. How hard could that be?"

Jenny had seen her mom stir-fry enough times to know Vegeta was doing it all wrong. She stood on a chair and watched. As he burned the food to a crisp.

He threw the frying pan down in front of her. Gave her a spoon.

"Your dinner's ready," he said.

She refused to touch it. Even when he doused it with half a bottle of ketchup. Then a whole jar of mayonnaise.

In the end he shrugged. "Very well. Starve. I'd already killed people when I was your age, you know. Kids today have it so easy."

He scrapped the food into the garbage. Was unable to figure out how the dishwasher worked.

Then he set down a frozen steak and some uncooked french fries for Mr. Tabby, the family cat.

"Here, kitty, kitty," called Vegeta. "This is what cats eat, right?"

Jenny looked at him. Getting less and less frightened all the time. He seemed pretty harmless. Even if he was weird.

"Do you play video games?" she asked.

He stood up taller. "Do I? Of course! I destroy entire planets. What is a measly video game to me?"

"Good," she said. "Mom and Dad will only let me play stupid games. So I wanna do a fighting one! Like they always get to!"

His eyes gleamed. "Fair enough. I accept your challenge. But be ready to lose, human."

Despite his talk, Vegeta lost. Every time. Jenny was tempted to let him win after twenty straight victories.

When he looked at the time.

"Eight o'clock. Alright then," he said, picking her up.

He carried the kicking and screaming girl into the bathroom.

"Let me go!" she wailed.

"No. You're supposed to have a bath at eight. I'm pretty sure being in the same room as a naked kindergardener could get me arrested. But oh well." He dumped her. Clothes and all. Into the tub. Which was dry. "There you go. Get clean."

She sat up. Angry. "That's not how this works, Mr. Vegeta! And anyway, my dad said _I'm_ in charge tonight! Which means you have to do what I tell you!"

He was dubious. "I don't remember that in the list of instructions. Not that I looked carefully or anything. I have better things to do."

"Well, I'm in charge." She stuck out her lower lip. Defiant. "And I'm not going to take a bath. So there!"

She stuck out her tongue.

Vegeta laughed evilly. "Ha! Do you have idea, human child, what I could do to your whole race if I wanted? I'm not just a mere Saiyan. But the prince of all – "

"What's a Saiyan?" she asked. "Is that why you have a tail? Are you a monkey?"

He was not happy that she cut him off in the middle of his diabolical speech. "Enough! I am a prince. Which trumps any authority you have."

"Does not," she argued. "Now read me a story."

Vegeta was aghast. Then his fists curled. He began to glow.

"What, you want a story?" he exclaimed.

The floor burst apart under him. He hovered in mid air. Surrounded by debris.

"I am the prince of all babysitters!" Vegeta bellowed. "I DO NOT READ SILLY BEDTIME STORIES TO LITTLE GIRLS!"

She was unimpressed. "Yes, you do. If you don't I'll cry. And throw a temper tantrum."

He stopped glowing. Hunched down. "Ohh, come on. You can't be serious."

Jenny made ready with the waterworks. Sniffling.

She was deadly serious.

"Fine," he said. "But it had better be a badass story with fighting. And lots of gore."

She picked out the cutest storybook she could find. About pink unicorns. Who treasured love and friendship.

With her tucked in bed, Vegeta started – reluctantly – to read.

" 'Once upon a time,' " he said, " 'there were pink unicorns. Who lived in a magic forest. They were very sparkly and annoying. One day, the prince of all unicorns got fed up and used his vast powers to blow everybody else to smithereens! MU HA HA HA HA! The End.' "

"That's not how it goes!" Jenny protested. She jumped out of bed and stomped her foot.

Vegeta tossed the book aside. "It is now."

Jenny jumped up and down. "Read me another one! And do it right this time!"

"Okay. But I get to choose." He looked over the books. Selected one. Cleared his throat. " 'Long ago in the jungle, there lived a monkey. This monkey was the king of all monkeys and spent his days defeating everyone he came across. He got bored after a while and destroyed the Earth. And everyone on it. Except for a little girl named Jenny who was the brattiest child he had ever met. Somehow she eluded him. He...' "

Jenny pouted. "You're making everything up. My mom's read me that book. And if you get to be a king, I wanna be a magical girl."

"Hey, who's reading this?" he spat. "And the monkey isn't supposed to me! That's absurd! Now where was I? Ahh. 'But the king of monkeys wasn't a mere king. He was a god! Powerful enough to...' "

She flailed her arms. "No! You can't read on unless there's a magical girl!"

Vegeta snapped the book shut. His patience at an end. "I've taken as much of this as I can stand."

He glowed again. But this time with much more intensity.

The walls shuddered. What was left of the floor shattered.

Vegeta's eyes and hair grew lighter in color. The veins stood out on his head and arms. He smirked. Extended his hand.

"BIG BANG ATTACK!"

A ball of energy shot from his palm. It exploded. In a blast of white light. The house shook from the impact. Broke apart.

Parts of it flew all over the neighborhood.

Where it once stood nothing was left but a crater.

Jenny sat there blinking. Covered with debris. And soot.

Vegeta posed in triumph. His eyes and hair returning to normal.

He glanced at Jenny. A threat smoldered in his gaze. "Well? Still want your storybooks?"

She opened her mouth. Slow to respond.

Then it came.

A humongous squeal.

"Whee!" she cried. "That was fun! I wanna do it again!"

Vegeta almost fell over. "You do?"

She ran over to him. "Of course! Blow things up again, Mr. Vegeta! Again, again, again!"

He smirked a second time. The closest he could probably get to a smile. "Want to see me lay waste to this town?"

"Yay!" She threw her arms up. Happy. And hugged Vegeta. "You're the bestest babysitter ever. You should come over every night."

He patted the top of her head.

"Maybe I will," he said quietly. "Maybe I will."

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Part Two: Fright Night

Jenny was excited. She hopped up and down. Squealed.

Tonight was Halloween. She had her costume all ready – she was going as a princess in a sparkly pink dress. With a tiara.

She twirled around. Making the hem of her dress fly out. "Whee!"

Yes, her costume was great. But more than that –

Mr. Vegeta was coming over!

She'd begged and pleaded with her parents to let him take her trick-or-treating. They'd been reluctant after he blew up the house. And trashed most of the neighborhood. And most of the town, too. Finally her dad gave up trying to argue and agreed.

The doorbell rang. Jenny clapped her hands together. Grabbed her pumpkin head treat bucket and ran to the front door.

"I've got it!" she cried. She opened the door. And waved. "Hi, Mr. Vegeta!"

She'd picked out his costume for him. He had refused to even come with her at first. Then he wanted to be an ape. She'd put her foot down and insisted he go as Tinkerbell. The wings were alright. But his muscles bulged so much that the little green dress barely fit him.

However, that wasn't the main problem she saw. He hadn't come through all the way for her.

She scowled. "Where's your wig? Tinkerbell is supposed to be blond!"

He snorted. Folding his arms. "The prince of all trick-or-treaters does not wear a wig! Though if you want I can go Super Saiyan again and destroy this sorry excuse for a town a second time."

"Yay!" She beamed. "That would be so neat!"

"No, it wouldn't." Her mom stepped into view. "Do you have any idea what it cost to rebuild this house? Not to mention how we couldn't go anywhere for six months because the roads were nothing but rubble! You behave yourself, Mr. Vegeta, or else."

He sneered. Not about to be told what to do by some human woman. "Right. Whatever. Let's get this night over with. And kill a few people."

Jenny shook her head as he led her outside. "That's not how Halloween works. You see – "

"Well, then how come Michael Myers stabs so many people on Halloween if it's not about murder?" he asked. "That's the point of this stupid holiday, isn't it?"

"No!" She stomped her feet. "It's about dressing up and getting candy and having fun."

He raised an eyebrow. "While wandering the streets, knocking on total stranger's doors. This sounds like a recipe for child homicide to me."

She stood up straighter. "My daddy says there was only one case of a kid ever getting poisoned on Halloween. And the kid's relatives did it. So there!"

"Well, keep a close eye on your parents then." His expression darkened. "Have I ever told you about Meydupbogusween?"

She blinked. "No. What's that?"

"Once a year," he began, "the Saiyans hold a special festival. All the children dress up like annoying little princesses. And walk around at night. Alone."

She shivered. Getting scared.

"Then one child is selected as a sacrifice. To be offered up to the forces of darkness." He spread his arms dramatically. "In exchange, the power levels of all the survivors increase. And they're given free food for a whole month. So – "

He was interrupted by a group of kids who ran by. They giggled at his costume.

"Hey, look! Tinkerbell got a gym membership!" one of them snarked.

They all ran when they saw the look on Vegeta's face. Screaming.

"Miserable brat," snapped Vegeta. "If I wasn't already occupied I'd rip your head off and hunt down all your blood relations! MU HA HA HA HA!"

Jenny frowned as they approached the first stop on their trick-or-treating route. "You're making that up about Meydupbogusween. There's no such holiday."

"Ah, but there is." He smirked. "And I can prove it. If the Saiyans fail to offer up a worthy sacrifice, the forces of darkness long for revenge. They don't like to be snubbed." He leaned in closer. Voice dropping almost to a whisper. "They seek everyone out. One by one. Calling their name..."

Just then the wind picked up. "_Vegeta_..."

Strange. It sounded like someone called him.

Vegeta straighted up.

The voice came again. Louder. "_Vegeta!_"

"No." Vegeta grew pale. "It can't be!"

Jenny had never seen Vegeta like this. Was he scared?

Or just really, really angry?

She wondered because her mom sometimes got like this when she was mad about something.

Vegeta grabbed her hand. "Come on. Let's get to this house and – "

Suddenly – out of nowhere – someone materialized in front of them. It was a tall bald man. With a goatee. He looked like a ghost.

"_VEGETA!_" he bellowed. Holding out his hands. Reaching for Vegeta.

Vegeta fell to his knees. Pulling out his hair. "I can't believe it! Just when I thought I'd gotten rid of you! You come back!"

"_Of course, Vegeta_." The bald man came over. "_That's what friends are for._"

Vegeta turned red. Then purple. He looked like he was about to explode.

Jenny stepped forward. Hands on her hips. "You leave Mr. Vegeta alone! I don't care if you're the forces of darkness or not! He's taking me trick-or-treating and he's dressed as Tinkerbell like we agreed and you're not gonna bother us!"

Vegeta gave her a dirty look. "Did you have to mention my costume right now?"

"_Awww, you're a pixie, Vegeta!_" The bald man gushed. "_Can I hug you?_"

The ground in front of Vegeta burst apart. "NOOOOOOOO!" He gritted his teeth. Fists clenched. "Goddamn it, Nappa! Why can't you stay dead and leave me alone?"

"_But you'd miss me if I wasn't around,_" said Ghost Nappa. "_And who else is going to play My Little Pony with me?_"

Vegeta sighed. A vein standing out on his temple. "And I thought this couldn't get any worse. He likes My Little Pony."

Ghost Nappa pointed to himself. "_Look, Vegeta. I'm a ghost. BOO!_"

Vegeta did not respond. He seemed to be trying to figure out how he could kill Ghost Nappa. Jenny wasn't sure how that would work. Since ghosts were already dead.

"_Vegeta_." Ghost Nappa smiled. "_Who's the little girl with you? Is she a Disney princess?_"

"Yes!" thundered Vegeta. "She's all the blasted Disney princesses! Put together!"

Ghost Nappa nodded. "_Great. Let's all pretend to be princesses. I wanna be Pocahontas._"

Vegeta hung his head. All at once it snapped up again. He grinned. Evilly. "You know. Why don't you two play Disney princess together? I feel the urge to destroy a certain animation studio... that makes godawful cartoons about princesses... I never truly hated it until now..."

Nappa began to sing. Off key.

"_Vegeta_

_I just met a man named Vegeta..._"

"No, you haven't! We've known each other for years!" yelled Vegeta.

Ghost Nappa continued as though Vegeta hadn't said anything.

"_And suddenly I know_

_He's going to be my best friend..._"

Vegeta's eyes widened in horror.

"_Vegeta_

_I just hugged a man named Vegeta..._"

And Vegeta's eyes became tiny slits of rage.

"_And suddenly I know_

_I'll be with him until the end!_

_Vegeta_

_Yes, I know that he acts so mean_

_But beneath it he's really serene..._"

Vegeta cocked an eyebrow. "That doesn't even make sense."

"_Vegeta_

_Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta!_"

Jenny clapped when Ghost Nappa was done singing. "That was cool. Can you do it again?"

"_Of course!_" said Ghost Nappa. "_I'm going on American Idol!_"

He opened his mouth to belt out the tune once more. And stopped.

"_Huh?_"

Ghost Nappa looked all around. So did Jenny.

Vegeta was nowhere to be seen.

They searched everywhere. But they couldn't find him.

Ghost Nappa sank down in disappointment. Jenny began to cry.

"_There, there, All the Disney Princesses Put Together_," said Ghost Nappa. "_It will be alright. We'll solve our problems with a musical number. And I'll be Queen Elsa._"

Jenny sniffled. "Thanks. But my name's Jenny."

"_Whatever you say, Barbara._" Ghost Nappa wrinkled his face in thought. "_Does this mean you're Batgirl?_"

Jenny looked at Ghost Nappa. He was a weird person. But didn't seem too bad.

"Can you take me trick-or-treating?" she asked. "Mr. Vegeta was supposed to do it. But he's gone now."

Ghost Nappa nodded. "_Of course. We'll eat lots of candy. And pretend to be ponies. Then I'll take a picture of your mom and paste her head on a Playboy Bunny with a bug's body and send it to Vegeta._"

She didn't understand what that last part meant. About the bug bunny.

But she had a new friend.

And if she ever saw Vegeta again she was not going to forgive him.

Some bestest babysitter he'd turned out to be!

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Part Three: Christmas Night

Jenny checked everything. She was ready for bed. She'd brushed her teeth. She'd left out milk and cookies for Santa. It all looked good.

So it was time to turn in.

She took one last look at the Christmas tree. And headed up to her room.

Everything inside it was black. Curtains. Bedspread. Even her alarm clock. She'd wanted it to be that way ever since someone had blown up Disney. And trashed all the Disney theme parks. And broken all the copies of each Disney film that had a princess in it. As far as Jenny was concerned, the world could never be the same again. The future was bleak and dark and pointless. Besides – who was she supposed to dress up as for Halloween now? All the princesses were gone!

She climbed into bed. Hugged her favorite stuffed animal, a gorilla named Mr. Not-Vegeta. Who used to be known as Mr. Vegeta. But Vegeta was now off her list of people she liked. The wind howled outside. Sending flurries against the window. Jenny gazed at the swirling snow.

And suddenly bolted upright. She'd seen someone out there!

She shuddered. Wondering what to do. When she heard a noise downstairs.

"MOMMY!" she screamed. "DADDY! THERE'S A BURGLAR IN THE HOUSE!"

If her parents heard her they did not respond. She waited. Terrified. Until she couldn't stand it anymore.

She tiptoed out as quietly as she could. Clutching Mr. Not-Vegeta.

Someone was in the living room. She could hear them moving around.

Jenny crept closer. Peeked in.

A man in a red suit and hat was putting toys under the tree.

No way.

It couldn't be.

It was!

It was SANTA!

She ran forward. Overjoyed. "Santa!"

The man turned. Glared at her. A wrapped box held in one hand. A sack in the other.

Jenny stopped right where she was. Lip trembling. She threw Mr. Not-Vegeta at the man. Rolled around on the floor. Shrieked. Pounded her fists.

Vegeta came over. Picked her up. "I knew this job would thankless. It's what I get for listening to stupid mythical characters who bring toys to spoiled brats. But – "

"NO!" Jenny tried to kick him. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "If you don't stop I'll murder your parents while they sleep. And eat their spleens. So help me!"

She managed to land a punch on him. "I hate you! You bailed on me when we were trick-or-treating! Then you didn't even blow up the house like I was hoping!" She stuck out her lower lip. Tears in her eyes. "Why are you dressed like that? Where's the real Santa?!"

"I'm subbing for him," said Vegeta. Through gritted teeth. "As part of my community service for destroying Disney. He said it would teach me a vital lesson. Though I'm not sure what it's supposed to be."

Jenny was confused. "Who said that?"

Vegeta sighed. "Santa of course. I still want to know how he talked me into this. You ask me he was just feeling lazy and wanted to take the night off."

"You met Santa?" she squeaked. Her eyes wide. "Really? Honest to goodness?"

"Yes!" he snarled.

She clapped. "YAY!"

He set her down. Gave her a candy cane. "Here. Now go away, I've got work to do. And a million houses to do after this one."

"Uh uh." She sucked on the candy cane. "You gotta blow up my parents' house first. It's what I want for Christmas. I even wrote it in my letter to Santa."

A vein throbbed on Vegeta's forehead. "I'd love to. Believe me I would. But part of the rules is that I can't hurt anybody or damage any property. I can only spread good cheer." He made a face. "Ho ho ho. Merry Flippin' Christmas."

"That's funny, Mr. Vegeta," she said. Still not quite ready to forgive him. But she was warming up to him slowly. "You should have an elf or something with you. To help."

He chuckled. "That's one consolation to this crappy job. There's no one to..."

"_Oh, Vegeta!_"

Vegeta's jaw dropped. As the ghost materialized in the room.

Dressed as a Christmas elf.

Vegeta screamed at the top of his lungs. Objects broke. Part of the ceiling came down.

But nothing could get rid of Ghost Nappa... the elf!

Ghost Nappa skipped over. "_Gee, Vegeta. I didn't think you'd be that happy to see me. It really means we're best friends._"

"No, it does not!" Vegeta unleashed a ki attack at Ghost Nappa. "DIE, CURSE YOU! DIE, DIE, DIE!"

Ghost Nappa merely let the attack pass through him. Grinning.

"_Let's sing carols, Vegeta_," he said. "_I know a really good one! It goes like this:_

"_Roshi the dirty old man!_

_Had a very naughty mind..._"

"Ohhhhh, carols!" Suddenly another person stepped into the room. Dressed in orange. He had black hair like Vegeta. But where Vegeta was grumpy and scary this guy was cheerful and friendly. "I want to join in!"

Vegeta looked like he was ready to pummel someone. His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You would, Kakarot! And just so you know I am NOT dressed as Santa! I – "

The guy in orange was joined by a short man with a bald head. "Look, Goku! Vegeta's dressed as Santa Clause!" The short bald guy rummaged through his pockets. "Where's my cellphone? I need to get a picture of this!"

Vegeta grabbed him by the front of his shirt. Lifting him up. "No. You. Do. Not!"

"Uhhhh..." The little bald man gulped. "M-maybe you're right. Heh heh. I'l just hide in a corner and pretend I'm not here."

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 1

Vegeta set him down again. "Good. As long as we're clear on that." He glanced around. Like he was checking to see if the coast was clear. And tore off his Santa suit and hat. Put them on Goku. "Here. This is right up your street, Kakarot. Be Santa and finish delivering presents for me."

"Huh? But why can't you do it, Vegeta?" asked Kakarot. Goku. Why did he have two names?

"Because I, er, have very urgent business," said Vegeta. "I need to get back to the North Pole right away! I'm not trying to weasel my way out of this because I got better things to do."

Goku nodded. "Yes, well, if that's the case..."

"No!" Jenny grabbed Vegeta. "You can't go! Not until you blow up the house! It's my one Christmas wish!"

Vegeta was ready to lose all his patience. "Listen here, you little – !"

Goku put his hands on his hips. "Hey. That's not in keeping with the Christmas Spirit."

"_Yeah_," Ghost Nappa cut in. "_You're just like Uncle Scrooge McDuck!_"

Krillin stepped out of the corner he was cowered in. "Exactly! ...Wait. What?"

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 2

"This little girl wants to see her own house destroyed more than anything in the world," said Goku. "How can you be so thoughtless and selfish? To not grant a child's deep, sincere Christmas wish?"

Vegeta stared at Goku. He seemed to wonder if the other Saiyan – they both had tails – so he must be a Saiyan – was missing part of his brain. "Well. You did hit your head as a kid after all." He put his finger to his lips. Thinking. He smirked. "Alright. Fine. Have it your way. I guess I really _don't_ understand the holiday spirit after all. It's time I learned my lesson."

"But wouldn't wrecking the house be a bad thing...?" Krillin tried to say.

No one was listening.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 3

"Aww, nuts." He held his head. And went back into the corner. A dark cloud hanging over him.

Vegeta powered up. Going into Super Saiyan Mode. "I need to find the true meaning of the season. Which is wanton destruction! MU HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Was he being sarcastic?

It was a little hard to tell.

At any rate, they all gathered to watch. As Vegeta unleashed his assault on the house. Goku brought out some hot chocolate. Ghost Nappa sang:

"_The first Noël_

_The Saiyan did say_

_Was to certain poor earthlings_

_So dead as they lay..._"

Jenny smiled. Feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

Krillin meanwhile stood there confused.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 4

"Alright, already!" he yelled. "I can't get owned that many times in three pages! ...Well. Maybe I can. But it isn't fair!"

He went off to pout a third time.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 5

His head jerked up. "Hey!"

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 6

He'd had enough.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 7

This was going to stop. Now!

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 8

Or maybe not.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 9

He sat off by himself. Dejected. "No one knows what I go through..."

Jenny gave him Mr. Not-Vegeta. To cheer him up.

"Gee, thanks little girl," he said. "Though I'm not sure what kind of kid wants to see her home get trashed. I seriously wonder about you."

When Vegeta was finished with his onslaught, everybody – except Krillin – cheered.

Vegeta posed. Swelling with glee. "This is the most fun I've had since I got duped into being Santa. At long last I truly understand Christmas."

Goku clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm so glad you've had a change of heart, Vegeta. It makes me think you really are a nice guy after all."

"Thank you," said Vegeta. "But get your hand off me. I need to..." He cracked a wicked smile. "Lay waste to this town!"

He flew off. Cackling.

Goku frowned. "You know... somehow I don't think I handled that right..."

"You think?!" said Krillin.

Ghost Nappa was still singing:

"_Jingle bells_

_Jingle bells_

_Vegeta's off to slay_

_Everyone in this whole town_

_In a very painful way – hey!_"

"_Ah, yes_," Ghost Nappa said. "_My recording career is underway. I just need to develop a drug problem. Then I'll be a true celebrity._"

Jenny's parents peeked out from the wreckage they'd been hiding behind. Afraid to come any closer.

"Honey," said her mom. "What happened? Wh-who are these people?"

Jenny ran over to them. "Mom! Dad! Did you see? Mr. Vegeta came dressed as Santa! And he left me presents! And gave me the one thing I really wanted for Christmas: to have the house get blown to smithereens all over again!"

"I thought what you wanted most was a puppy," her dad said.

She shook her head. "I got my Christmas wish! This even makes up for him getting rid of Disney!" She jumped up and down. Dancing in the falling snow. While the town was getting attacked. "Mr. Vegeta isn't just the bestest babysitter ever! He's the bestest person!"

Krillin poked Goku. "Shouldn't we... um... stop him?"

"Yeah, that would be a good idea," said Goku. "Just as soon as I finish my fourth cup of cocoa." He took a sip from his hot chocolate. He hadn't finished it yet.

"Uh. Right." Krillin sank down.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT, SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION: 10

"_And they all lived happily ever after_," said Ghost Nappa. "_As the Little Mermaid observed – 'God bless us, everyone.' Especially me!_"

Krillin scratched his head. "I thought it was Tiny Tim who said that...?"

THE END


End file.
